It's funny how much I seem to overlook when thinking about the past 365 days. 2014 might have been one of the biggest if not the most monumental year of my life. I turned 22, (the same age my parents were when they got married) graduated college, got a full-time job in my field, broke up with a girl after a 2 year relationship, started a new relationship that was really incredible, got promoted, saw a few good friends get married, became an uncle again, got asked to be a groomsmen, said goodbye to my best friend as he packed up and moved 200 miles away, got broken up with and met some really great, new people. I went from college kid to graduate, unemployed to the ideal job, broke some one's heart and had my heart broken. 2014 was a huge year.
It's fascinating to reflect and see where you've come from. For me, it's all a perfect example of God speaking to the prophet Isaiah when he says " for my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways." I remember last January heading into my last semester of college and all the sleepless nights wondering what I would do with my life and where I would end up. I was constantly stressing over if I'd get a job outside of graduation and if I'd even like doing what I went to school for but trying to trust God through all of it. What happened? I got a job 45 minutes from Cincinnati with some awesome new people with freedom to do my job however I want at a good church. I remember all the time I spent worrying about the relationship I was in and wondering if I was really happy and there might be something better out there for me. Worrying that I might not be able to find a better person. What happened? I stepped out and met an amazing woman. That last relationship has ended and I wont lie, it's been very painful because she is such a wonderful, beautiful girl. I learned that there is something better out there for you if you're willing to step out and follow God's lead.
So it's the end of the year and I'm going through this gnarly break up. Losing someone you loved so deeply is never a pleasant experience. Investing so much and getting so vulnerable and "naked" (read previous blog. Vulnerability. Not actual nudity) with someone and having that go to waste is one of the worst feelings imaginable but its OK. I know it's OK because I can look back on 2014 and remember all the times I was at the end of my rope and on the verge of giving up. All the stressful, sad, lonely, fearful nights I spent worrying where I'll go, what I'll do, if I'll ever find another person, those were all taken care of in the most perfect way that I couldn't have managed on my own.
All of this; my entire year, my entire life, the Christmas story itself. It's all an example and reminder that God does things differently. God's plans for us are so high above what we can comprehend. We thought we needed a warrior king to save us from slavery and God sent a little baby born in a stable in a tiny town in the armpit of the world who spoke love instead of manipulation and won the world over. So I'll admit it. This current place I'm in is rough. I haven't felt myself in weeks. This heartbreak has knocked me on my ass. It's alright though. I can't see it now but I'm learning something. God is using this to teach me and mold me and refine things in me to get me one step closer to being the person I was made to be.
God's ways are above our own. Need an example? Think back to this time last year. December of 2013. Think about what you were wishing/hoping/praying/working/stressing for. Now take a look at your life and see how each of those things ended up. Maybe they are even worse than before. If that's the case, maybe your focus is off. Maybe you're focused on the wrong things and you're trying to be in control. So here's a fresh start. It's a new year. 2015 is another second chance to make it right. So whats my New Years Resolution? - To let go of control. To lean into this adventure that God has for me and to trust that His ways are above mine. I want to remember all God has done in the past and keep my eyes focused on Him. To constantly realign. To lose my life for Jesus only that it may be found. 2015 will be the year of humility for me. I am not my own. I can do nothing alone. I want nothing to do with living my life alone and away from God. I'm broken and fractured. I'm in pain. I'm angry. I'm bitter. I'm sad. Luckily, God is meeting us where we are and He is making all things new. He is not a God of broken things. He is the God of restoration and He is restoring me back to who He planned for me to be.
Cheers and Happy New Year!!!
p.s. Sorry for the extra typos. I'm doing this on my iPad at 1am and don't care enough to proof. Also, to those two girls I mentioned in this blog: I'm sorry if I offended you both. You are good people.